Life

I've been gone from blogging for a long time. Basically, it's been about 2 years now. I've checked in a couple of times with updates, but haven't really written anything. I want to change that. I want to get back to letting my thoughts and feelings out.

It's been almost 2 years since Donny died. I miss him all the time still. I really thought that it would get better with time, but I guess I was wrong. I didn't really understand how deeply I loved him until he was gone. We had our good times and our bad times, but I'm choosing to remember the good.

I get to see the grandkids about once a year. I'm friends with both the girls on facebook and we keep up with each-other that way. I love them all and I'm so happy that they have allowed me to keep my role in their family, even though their dad's gone now.

My sister's kids are still living with me. I enjoy having them here, even if they do supremely frustrate me at times. I've learned a lot about them, and about kids in general. The biggest lesson that I've learned though is to back off and let everybody else deal with it. I've had too many people tell me too many times how awful I am for how I handle things with the kids, so now I just let everybody else deal with them unless I am specifically asked to do it.

My sister and her boyfriend lived with us for a while. It didn't go well and it ended with her boyfriend getting kicked out. At that point my parents said that any adults who wanted to keep living in their home would have to submit to random drug testing. My sister got on her high horse about where her boyfriend's not welcome, she's not welcome and she went to be homeless with the guy. We all know though that it was actually a case of she couldn't pass the drug test and she knew it. Now she likes to bitch and moan about how she was kicked out and isn't good enough to sleep in our backyard like a dog. (they were living in a tent in the backyard before, since there was absolutely no room in the house.)

My sister also announced her pregnancy over Thanksgiving weekend. After all the years that I prayed that Donny and I could have a baby, she gets pregnant when she's trying not to. And she can't even take care of the ones that she has now! I know that I sound like a jealous, whining little sister, and maybe that's what I am, but I'm really having problems here.

And to top it all off, since my sister announced her pregnancy, my mom's really been babying her. She's at our house all the time now. And when she's here she complains constantly about the RV that her and her boyfriend live in. Apparently it's too cold and has a leak over their bed. When it rains their bed gets all wet. I'm just waiting for when my mom announces that for the good of my sister and the baby she'll be moving in.

If my sister moves in she's going to bring her boyfriend to live with her. That's when I'll have some major decisions to make. Any time that they come over and it's not their regular Sunday visit I have a panic attack. And when they stayed here for a week I was having nightmares and problems sleeping. I have a really hard time with it, but I have to play nice. For that sake of family peace and harmony I have to pretend like everything's great and wonderful, but it's not.

I started dating again, but I now qualify for the Jerry Springer show. I'm dating my sister's ex-husband, and the father of the children that live with me. Early in their marriage Mike and I realized that we were interested in each-other, but we couldn't do anything about it since he was married to my sister. Over the years we've had as little to do with each-other as possible to make things easier.

Mike moved back to this area to be near his kids. I ended up spending quite a bit of time with him and we discovered that we were both still interested. We decided to see where things would go. So far it's been mostly good. I can't say that I've found forever, but I'm also not ending things right now. One thing that I've learned is to slow down and enjoy the moment that I'm in right now.

Work is revving up again for me. This tax season I'll be working 2 jobs, but after April 15 I'll be back down to one. I still absolutely love doing taxes, and I'm good at it. I'm so glad my friend talked me into doing the class a few years ago.

I guess this post ended up being just another update on my life, but I find those interesting to read a few years later. And maybe I'll be able to be more honest about my feelings when the room isn't full of kids. Now it's time to get them off to bed.