Sunday, January 27, 2008

I really am here (sort of)

My how time flies. Things are picking up at the office. The district manager wanted to move me to a busier office because they needed help, but my manager wouldn't hear of it. She traded 2 other preparers to keep me. I'm glad because I don't want to switch offices. However, this means that everybody is picking up more hours to cover the loss. A 40 hour week is nice, but it's stretched over 6 days. Right now I get Saturdays off, but that's subject to change.

The worst thing about picking up more hours is that my home life suffers because of it. I may have been scheduled for 8 hours today, but I worked 11. Add on an hour drive each way and I'm not home much. There is so much that needs done. And my poor husband probably thinks that I don't know who he is. But the madness should only be for another 3 weeks or so. I hope.

In the midst of all this going on a close friend of ours thought that he was losing his dad. The hospital had sent the man to a convalescent home to wait things out, but it really didn't look good. He had pneumonia and it was bad. And then yesterday he woke up and started asking for food and medicine. He seems to have pulled through, but it was intense for a while there.

All of this is shared as an explanation and an apology for the lack of posts lately. Give me a few weeks. I keep being told that in March things will calm down. Join me in praying that it's true.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Bullshit or truth?

I'm having a new problem with Donny, and I can't decide whether or not to believe him. He does things that really upset me and then later claims to have no recollection of them at all. We're talking complete amnesia for the time frame involved.

Last night we got into a major fight. As in discussing how to divide our things when he leaves kind of major fight. He kept yelling and screaming at me. It was really bad. His level of anger was off the charts. I can't even find words to describe what happened.

At the end of the fight we decided to get a room in town since we had to be there today anyway. I agreed mostly because I didn't want to subject my family to Donny the way that he was behaving. We got to the room and he laid down and went to sleep.

About 3 hours after going to sleep Donny woke up and started talking to me. He used a normal tone of voice and was nice. It was as if nothing had happened. I flopped down on to the bed and burst into tears. According to Donny that was his first clue that something was wrong.

Donny swore that he couldn't remember anything from shortly before the fight until he woke up in the motel room. Then he started remembering "pieces" of the evening. He can remember going to the store. He remembers talking to the homeless guy. But he can't remember the fight at all.

I'm especially skeptical about his lack of memory because that's his excuse for not apologizing for his behavior. He's said a couple of times that he'd apologize, but he wouldn't know what he was apologizing for, and he won't apologize without knowing why. He refuses to talk about it and let me tell him what happened. I've managed to tell him a little, but then he shuts me down. From what he has heard he claims that I must have started it.

It's at this point that I want to tell him that he's full of shit. He's claiming that his medical problems are to blame, but I'm not so sure. I know that his brain is shrinking and all, but does that really explain all this? I wish that there was a handbook that could give me clear answers on stuff like this.

Friday, January 18, 2008


I saw the doctor today and he said that my slippers look like tribbles. (I was having a fuzzy slipper day.) He also said that all my bloodwork came back looking great. At this point he's fairly sure that the problem is my blood pressure. The bottom number is still a little high. I'm to lose some weight and see if we can't get that number a little lower. If my blood pressure gets back to normal and I'm still having dizzy spells then I'll have to start more intense testing. So now the weight loss attempt begins.

My doctor got me curious about tribbles so I looked them up. He's right, my slippers look like I stuck my feet into a couple of tribbles. This picture is frighteningly similar to my slippers.

Freedom of Speech

Last night I finally came home after being gone for a bit. One of the first things that I did was sit down with my mom for a chat. I've missed her. It was great to catch up on what was going on around here while we were gone.

One of the things that my mom talked to me about was the fact that my uncle found my blog. The uncle that was staying here. Apparently he got on the computer right after my mom and used her internet browser to surf the web. She had left my blog open on there and he saw it. Afterwards he talked to my mom about how hurt his feelings were that I referred to him as a pedophile.

This is why my mom is the only person in my family that has the address for this blog. This is the one and only place where I don't have to censor myself to spare somebody's feelings. I say what I want when I want because they won't know. So, if you're related to me and have stumbled on this site be forewarned. You might not like what you read. If you don't, then quit reading it, because this is my one area of free speech.

I'm baaa-aaack

I'm back from never-never land. Okay, it wasn't really never-never land, but it was a nice break from reality.

Today my dad's aunt moved out. My mom, my uncle and a friend of ours took my aunt up to her new place and got her all moved in. I'm thrilled that she got a place for her and for us. When her son gets out of jail tomorrow he won't be coming here. Not to mention the trouble she kept constantly stirred up.

Tomorrow my uncle checks in to jail. I don't know how long he'll be staying. It's not a state secret, I just never thought to ask. Since he's been here I've been gone so he hasn't had time to get on my nerves yet, but everybody does eventually.

It'll be great to be back to just the 5 of us again. I love my family, but it's been hard having extra people around so much. I'm looking forward to things falling into a boring routine. In about 2 weeks I should be complaining about how boring my life is. Right now the thought of that is exciting.

While we were away Donny and I took a night to go stay in Monterey. It was beautiful. We really need to get over there more often. We splurged and had dinner at Bubba Gump's. The appetizer and dessert were great, but we weren't thrilled with the entree. We split a bucket of trash and it just seemed to not be as good as last time we were there. My biggest objection was the deep fried lobster. Who does that to lobster? It ruined it.

Last Monday Donny had his monthly doctor appointment. We finally got the results of the EEG that was done last October. We also got the official results of the CT scan that was done on Donny's head last time he was in the hospital. His brain appears to be normal except for the fact that it's atrophying.

Yes, you heard me right, his brain is getting smaller. I almost laughed when the doctor said that it's atrophying. All I could think of is that I've been told that your muscles atrophy with lack of use. I started wondering if that's what happened to Donny's brain.

I've had a couple days to think about things and right now I'm not too worried about the brain problems. The doctor didn't seem worried and I think that I'll take my cue from him. Besides, what can be done about it? I don't see how this can be stopped or fixed, so why fret about something that I can do nothing about?

Tomorrow I see the doctor for a follow-up about the dizzy spells. I really think that he'll say that they're stress induced, which stresses me out. I've come close to passing out a couple times now and I'm starting to worry about driving. But if I can't drive then how on earth am I supposed to work and take care of Donny and keep up with all my other commitments? Although now that I think about it, there really aren't any other commitments. In an effort to save my sanity I cut out all but the bare necessities from my schedule. So now what do I cut when I need to reduce the stress in my life? I just don't know what to do.

Well, on that depressing note, I think that I'll go catch up on all the blogs that I've been missing.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008


The last few days have been hectic. I've been working and there's been a lot that Donny has needed from me. Today is my day off and I told Donny that he could have my day. There's a list of stuff that he wants to get done that requires my attention.

We went looking for a new (used) car today. We found one that we like and have filled out some paperwork. We're waiting for word from the bank about financing the car. The salesman thinks that he can get us a loan, but it sure is taking a while. If he can do something for us then I will be getting a Ford Taurus.

My husband also wants to go spend some time staying at a motel. My uncle didn't get taken into custody when he turned himself in yesterday, so he came to stay with us until he goes in on the 18th. And on the 18th my dad's cousin gets out of jail. With any luck my aunt will be in her new place by then, otherwise the cousin will come stay with us. The good news is that dad's aunt has found a place to rent, she just needs to follow through with paperwork and moving.

All of this to say, if I disappear until the 18th, you know where I am. If I disappear past the 18th it's because I killed somebody. If that happens I'll try to get assigned to a prison with internet access. Then I could give you the low-down on prison life. A whole new kind of blog baby!

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Another Update

And for our final update (at least for now), Donny is out of the hospital. His mind was quite a bit clearer this morning when I got to the hospital. And when the doctor asked Donny knew the answer to what today's date is. He knew where he was and where he wanted to be. The only thing that the doctor was concerned about was if I had enough lactulose on hand at home. Ha! Like I'd even consider running out! Trust me, we're never anywhere near low on lactulose.

I did think to ask the doctor about the results from the CT scan of Donny's head. They found that he has no brain. Seriously, they didn't see anything abnormal. I now know that my husband's brain is not bleeding. What I don't know is if there is another problem exacerbating the hepatic encephalopathy. (There, I used big words today, we can now go back to regular speech.) It seems that his confusion was much worse than it should have been for his ammonia level, but that's something that I'll take up with our regular doctor.

So after I sprung Donny from the hospital I took him to see his mom. While he was visiting with her my mom and I went shopping. I found two really nice tops for work and my mom convinced me that the smartest thing to do was to buy them. Add to that the top I found on a really good sale yesterday and I'd be doing really well for work clothes if I'd do laundry.

We got home and spent a little time settling Donny in and being sure that he has what he needs. And then I got to take an entire evening to relax at home guilt free. It was great! I'm hoping to get a little more at home time now.

Tomorrow my mom is taking the old ladies and leaving. They'll be gone overnight. I can't tell you how excited I am. For the first time in I don't know how long Donny and I will get the house to ourselves for a few hours. From the time I get home from dropping dad off at work until I have to leave for work we'll have nobody here but the two of us. I'm so excited! Well, I just looked at the time. If I'm going to drive my dad to work in the morning I should get some sleep. Have a good night.

Friday, January 04, 2008


Just a quick update because I'm exhausted. Donny still wasn't thinking clearly today. I asked what year it is. He stopped and thought about it for a few minutes, and then he answered Friday. He got the right answer, it just was the wrong question. When I tried to leave for work he wanted to walk me out to the car. It took calling security to get him to stay behind. Talk about feeling guilty.

About mid morning Donny's nurse called me at work. She needed some more background info on Donny. The doctor had ordered a CT of Donny's head and there were questions to be answered before they could do it. His nurse said that they did one with contrast and one without. There's a small chance of having results tomorrow, but most likely it'll be Monday before we hear anything.

So for now Donny's staying in the hospital. That could change tomorrow, but I'm not thinking that far ahead.

Work went very well today. I started working on my first return for a real person, but the guy didn't have all his info yet so we can't finish it yet. I was scared to death, but I did okay. Except for the fact that I did it all in practice mode, which meant that I had to do it over again.

Other than that it's been an uneventful day. Now I'm headed to bed. I don't have to leave until 10:00 in the morning, so I'm looking forward to sleeping in. Goodnight!

Thursday, January 03, 2008


I'm finally getting to write again. The last few days have been hectic and I haven't had the energy to post. Donny's still in the hospital. Yesterday was my first day on the job. It's been a hectic week.

Today was not a good day. When I got to the hospital this morning it was just after change of shift and one of the night nurses chatted with me for a few minutes in the lobby. She was telling me that at three this morning Donny was standing at his bedroom door waiting for me. When it was pointed out that it was too early for me to be there he said that I had promised to come first thing in the morning and so he knew that I'd be there any minute. Then they explained that I wouldn't be allowed in until eight. He just repeated the whole thing about my promise. When I heard all that I knew that I was in for it.

I got to Donny's room and he greeted me by telling me that we were leaving. I asked him what was going on and he said that the doctor said that he had to leave. I went and asked the nurse about it, but she wasn't aware that the doctor had already seen Donny, and she couldn't find any discharge instructions. When I questioned Donny about it he told me that the doctor had said that he wasn't sick and that he was a "good for nothing piece of shit". That didn't sound like any doctor I'd met. He then told me that a security guard had come and told him that he could stay. When the doctor got there to do his rounds I asked him about it. He hadn't been there at all yet, so I started wondering if some other man had been in Donny's room, and Donny was just confused about what was said. But when Donny claimed that it was a man who looked just like the doctor I knew what was going on. He'd had a rather good hallucination. I let the doctor know what I'd figured out and then told Donny that the mean doctor wouldn't be back.

Later on in the morning Donny asked me to lean a little closer. He then started picking at one part of my face. When I asked him what he was doing he said that he was trying to get the bug off my face. I guess I should be thankful that he didn't try to kill it while it was on my face. A few minutes later he started using his cane to shoot the bugs that only he could see crawling across his floor. It was interesting.

Today was spent trying to keep Donny calm. He wanted me to fix any problem that he thought he was having. He thought that the nurse wasn't giving him his medicine, so he wanted me to give him some from the stuff that we have for home. Never mind the fact that I didn't have his medicine with me, why on earth would I give him medicine when he's in the hospital? I could kill him doing that. The best possible outcome would be an overdose. He got really angry when I refused to give him medicine or to harass the nurse. I know that she's giving him what he needs, she doesn't need people who know nothing about it trying to tell her how to do her job.

I finally left out of self defense. I couldn't stay and let him call me names any longer. Maybe it's a poor attitude, but I decided to just let the nurses deal with him. They can tell him no every five minutes. They can stop him from leaving, I can't do it anymore. Although the nurses say I'm wrong, I still think that he's got to be calmer when I'm gone. I don't see how the nurses stop themselves from shooting me when I arrive.

What worries me the most is that he's too confused for his ammonia level. It was at 65 today and he was hallucinating. Yesterday they were supposed to do an MRI of his brain to see if they could find other causes for the confusion, but the doctors changed their mind. Apparently they believe that it's just the ammonia level. With any luck his ammonia levels will be normal tomorrow and we'll see if his brain returns to normal. The doctor that's overseeing the resident that's taking care of Donny was talking today about possibly discharging him tomorrow. I just hope that they don't push him out the door too soon.

On a brighter note, My first day in the office was yesterday. I met all my co-workers and they seem like a nice bunch of people. And my manager is a blast. I'm really looking forward to tax season. Does it count as a mental illness that I'm excited about doing taxes? I enjoy it. That's got to be a sickness.