It's amazing how the world goes on. Friday and Saturday I stayed home and spent time with my family. On Friday I went to the grocery store. It went okay until I went to get the chocolate cake that I was asked to bring home. There was double fudge cake or german chocolate and I was having a hard time deciding which kind to get. I thought that I should call Donny and see which sounded better to him and it hit all over again. I had to walk away and compose myself so I could go back and just grab one.
This morning I went to church. It was good for me. After church a couple that I'm friends with came over and helped me set up the christmas tree. We hadn't planned on decorating for Christmas, but with the grandkids coming I needed to. The girls want to celebrate Christmas with me this year, so I needed to at least make some effort to be ready. This evening I went to Bible study at a friend's house. I went early and had dinner with her, it was nice and relaxing.
Tomorrow I'm headed to my mother-in-law's for a visit and to drop off a cd of pictures. My niece has volunteered to do a collage of pictures on a poster board for Donny's memorial service. At 2:00 I'm meeting with my pastor to plan Donny's service. I'm hoping to also get a few things done around the house. There are still presents that need wrapped. My aunt and uncle let their dog sleep with them on my parent's bed so it needs stripped and everything washed, since my mom's allergic to dogs.
Staying busy should help. I'm trying hard not to let my mind get too active. I keep being plagued with questions. My biggest question is whether or not it would have made any difference if I had gotten Donny to the hospital. I knew he was sick. As I went in to our room on Thursday morning I was think about how if he slept like he had the day before then I would need to take him in. I feel so guilty for not taking him to the hospital. Because there was no autopsy I'll probably never have my answer. I just hope that I can learn to live with the wondering.