This morning I was headed into my room to grab some clothes and Donny woke up. He looked at me and said hello. I asked him to take some lactulose and he agreed. After that he just kept saying hello over and over again. After about 5 minutes he went back to sleep. I decided that he'd be okay for a bit and I went to church.
Church had ended and we were all standing around talking when my cell phone rang. My battery chose that moment to die so I didn't get the call. Then my friend's phone rang, and I knew. My mom was calling to let me know that Donny was sitting in the living room with his pants down and he didn't seem to know anybody. So I went home.
After much hard work I got Donny in the car. This was after he tried to simply walk through my frail, elderly aunt. My mom helped me get all Donny's stuff out to the car and made sure that I had some form of money on me. Then we were off to the hospital.
What does it say when ER staff members recognize you? Especially when one of them is the head security guard. I know he recognized me since he talked with me about what happened last time and the fact that security might get called again. The nice thing was that he helped me keep an eye on Donny, who felt the need to sit in as many chairs as he could find available. And he almost tried to sit in a couple of chairs that weren't available.
The tech in triage recognized us. He was helping the little blonde nurse that lives on the other coast the last time that we were in. I liked him that time, but I'm not so sure about this time. He seemed a little to quick to move to force with Donny, but maybe he was having one of those days.
Both doctors that we saw recognized us. The ER doc is one that I really like. Come to think of it, I like most of the ER docs there. He was as nice as always. Then came the resident. This is the same resident that had me in tears last time. He asked me if I thought that I could get Donny to take his lactulose at home. I could see where this was going, so I told him no. He was really going to try to send him home again this time.
When the lady from the lab came to draw Donny's blood I had to help pin him so that she could do it. When the nurse needed to start an IV I had to help pin him so that it could be done. When the lady wanted to do an ultrasound I had to pin Donny so that she could. When the other lady from the lab came for the second round of blood work I had to help pin Donny so that she could draw his blood. Then she called his nurse in and the lady from the lab and I had to pin Donny so that the nurse could draw his labs. And the doctor thinks that I can take care of him by myself. They're going to do a feeding tube to get his medicine down him, but he thinks that I should be doing this at home. How stupid can you get.
The hospital has assigned a sitter to be with Donny because of his confusion. It's the first time that this has been done. It's a nice alternative to restraints. I wonder if he'll be able to stay out of the restraints throughout the night.
Admitting never came and saw Donny while I was there. They never got his insurance information. It makes me wonder if they're just going by his files from previous trips. All the information is the same. Still, I thought that he'd have to sign something. Oh well, that's their problem. I don't need to worry about it until tomorrow.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
A Bad Wife
I often feel like a bad wife. I doubt myself and my choices a lot. Right now Donny is sleeping, just like he has all day. He's refusing to take his lactulose. When he wakes up he tends to be combative. I know where this is heading. But he's not at the hospital. Why? Well, that's where the bad wife part comes in.
I have decided to wait and see if I can't get him to improve here. I'm fairly certain that he's not bad enough to be admitted to the hospital yet. There's nothing that ER can really do to help, so we wait. Tomorrow things might change, but right now it looks like we'll be headed to the hospital in the morning.
All of this is made worse because a friend of my mom's woke up to find that her husband had died in the night. He was really sick and we knew that this was coming, but we all thought that there would be a few more months.
This lady is the one person with whom I've truly been able to share my journey, since she was walking the same path as me. We've vented about our husbands together, knowing that we wouldn't be judged. Through her I discovered that it's okay to be upset with somebody, even if they are sick.
My heart breaks for her. It's way too easy to imagine what she's going through. And yet I can't imagine it at all. To lose your best friend must be a bigger pain than I could ever imagine.
Today I got a reminder of why we're making decisions and arrangements now. It may be morbid, but we're planning Donny's funeral now. I don't want to be faced with all these decisions when I'm in the worst possible frame of mind to deal with them. I'm actually looking forward to getting it all done. Once we've done all that we can to prepare for death we can get on with life.
I have decided to wait and see if I can't get him to improve here. I'm fairly certain that he's not bad enough to be admitted to the hospital yet. There's nothing that ER can really do to help, so we wait. Tomorrow things might change, but right now it looks like we'll be headed to the hospital in the morning.
All of this is made worse because a friend of my mom's woke up to find that her husband had died in the night. He was really sick and we knew that this was coming, but we all thought that there would be a few more months.
This lady is the one person with whom I've truly been able to share my journey, since she was walking the same path as me. We've vented about our husbands together, knowing that we wouldn't be judged. Through her I discovered that it's okay to be upset with somebody, even if they are sick.
My heart breaks for her. It's way too easy to imagine what she's going through. And yet I can't imagine it at all. To lose your best friend must be a bigger pain than I could ever imagine.
Today I got a reminder of why we're making decisions and arrangements now. It may be morbid, but we're planning Donny's funeral now. I don't want to be faced with all these decisions when I'm in the worst possible frame of mind to deal with them. I'm actually looking forward to getting it all done. Once we've done all that we can to prepare for death we can get on with life.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Updates
Let me start off by saying that Christmas was wonderful. We had brunch with some close friends of ours, then we had a family day at home. Everybody took a nap, followed by game time. The friends who provided brunch stopped by and we played a game together. After they left we sat around talking and just enjoying being a family. It was nice while it lasted.
Yesterday I took Donny to see the GI. This doctor is one who we've not cared for in the past. I'm sure he knows his stuff, but he has the personality of a wet rag. The first time that we saw him (which was about 2 years ago) Donny walked out of there describing him as House. His personality really does rival Dr. House.
The doctor did tell us that if Donny wants to get a liver transplant he has to stop drinking and give up the pain killers. The smoking thing makes sense, but the painkillers just aren't happening. He has very bad chronic back pain that can't be fixed. We looked into all the options before the rest of his health got so bad, painkillers are all that can be done. If you think that I'm going to live with him while he gives up the painkillers and smoking then you're smoking something. It will be ugly.
While the doctor didn't do much for us, he did spark a conversation about quality of life versus quantity of life. If you're going to have to live in excruciating pain, do you really want to go on living? At what point do you say screw it, I'm just going to enjoy what's left? And who should you discuss this with? Do his daughters, who have very little contact with us, deserve to be a part of this decision? Do I force the issue of including them? And do we put it off until the youngest decides to start talking to us again? I hat the decisions that have to be made.
The other thing that this Dr. is doing for (to?) Donny is an endoscopy. Apparently this should have been done a long time ago, since he's been diagnosed with portal hypertension. I swear, liver disease needs an instruction manual. There are so many things that I don't know I should be asking about. Every time we go to the doctor I have a list of questions for him. And there's still so much more to learn. I need to become a nurse just so I stand a chance of understanding what's going on.
In other news, my dad's cousin is supposed to be getting out of jail. We have high hopes that this means that grandma's sister will be moving out. Glen gets out of jail sometime in the middle of January. Donny says that Lenora said that he'll be living here until they can find a place. Lenora asked my mom to drop her off in the town that they usually live in on the 31st so that she can look for a place to stay. Please join me in praying that she has much success with her search.
My dad's brother is checking in to jail on the 8th. He has court that day and then he goes to jail from there. I really need to do some research to find out what kind of penalties a pedophile faces for not re registering every year. It'd be nice to have an idea of how long we can expect him to be locked up.
Well, I believe that's all my updates. Goodnight for now.
Yesterday I took Donny to see the GI. This doctor is one who we've not cared for in the past. I'm sure he knows his stuff, but he has the personality of a wet rag. The first time that we saw him (which was about 2 years ago) Donny walked out of there describing him as House. His personality really does rival Dr. House.
The doctor did tell us that if Donny wants to get a liver transplant he has to stop drinking and give up the pain killers. The smoking thing makes sense, but the painkillers just aren't happening. He has very bad chronic back pain that can't be fixed. We looked into all the options before the rest of his health got so bad, painkillers are all that can be done. If you think that I'm going to live with him while he gives up the painkillers and smoking then you're smoking something. It will be ugly.
While the doctor didn't do much for us, he did spark a conversation about quality of life versus quantity of life. If you're going to have to live in excruciating pain, do you really want to go on living? At what point do you say screw it, I'm just going to enjoy what's left? And who should you discuss this with? Do his daughters, who have very little contact with us, deserve to be a part of this decision? Do I force the issue of including them? And do we put it off until the youngest decides to start talking to us again? I hat the decisions that have to be made.
The other thing that this Dr. is doing for (to?) Donny is an endoscopy. Apparently this should have been done a long time ago, since he's been diagnosed with portal hypertension. I swear, liver disease needs an instruction manual. There are so many things that I don't know I should be asking about. Every time we go to the doctor I have a list of questions for him. And there's still so much more to learn. I need to become a nurse just so I stand a chance of understanding what's going on.
In other news, my dad's cousin is supposed to be getting out of jail. We have high hopes that this means that grandma's sister will be moving out. Glen gets out of jail sometime in the middle of January. Donny says that Lenora said that he'll be living here until they can find a place. Lenora asked my mom to drop her off in the town that they usually live in on the 31st so that she can look for a place to stay. Please join me in praying that she has much success with her search.
My dad's brother is checking in to jail on the 8th. He has court that day and then he goes to jail from there. I really need to do some research to find out what kind of penalties a pedophile faces for not re registering every year. It'd be nice to have an idea of how long we can expect him to be locked up.
Well, I believe that's all my updates. Goodnight for now.
Monday, December 24, 2007
The Reason I Celebrate
Luke 2:1-20
The Birth of Jesus
1In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3And everyone went to his own town to register.
4So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
The Shepherds and the Angels
8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ[a] the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
13Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
14"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
15When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."
16So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.
The Birth of Jesus
1In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3And everyone went to his own town to register.
4So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
The Shepherds and the Angels
8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ[a] the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
13Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
14"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
15When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."
16So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Cookies
What the hell possessed me to make me think that I wanted to bake cookies? And why on earth would I think that I wanted to make cookie trays for people? How long could my brain been out of commission for, that I actually bought the ingredients?
My grandma bakes cookies on a scale only rivaled by some of the larger cookie manufacturers. Those little elves in a tree don't know what baking is. I think it was last week that I mailed off 18 boxes of cookies for her. The week before that it was only four since they were going overseas. And now there are more boxes to be mailed. I think it's about 16, but I'm not sure.
All of that should give me a clear idea of what I was undertaking, and I did it anyway. I'm only doing cookies for 3 or 4 families, so I don't need as many. I had figured that if I did one kind each day, starting on Wednesday, I'd have no problems being ready. Ha!
I think it was Tuesday night that I made my sugar cookie dough. It has to be refrigerated, so it didn't get baked that night. On Wednesday night I made some no bake cookies since I was too tired to do anything else. On Thursday I didn't get home until late, so nothing got done. Last night I was too tired to attempt anything. This all leads to me having too much baking to do today.
This morning I tried to get started, but Donny needed me. So this afternoon I went in and made the truffle dough. Then i baked off sugar cookies while the truffle dough was in the fridge. Then I rolled out truffles. Then I made mocha truffle cookies. Oh wait, somewhere in there I stopped for dinner. All I know is that after 9 hours of baking I'm still not done. There's still gooey caramel bars and lacy oatmeal cookies to do. Oh, and one more kind of no-bake cookie. And tomorrow we go see my mother-in-law.
Have you ever tried baking while dizzy? Let me tell you something, it adds a whole new level to the baking. I felt like some dumb drunk. Walking in a straight line is an under appreciated talent.
Well, I gotta go to bed now. I'm hoping that the baking will seem much more manageable after a good night's rest.
My grandma bakes cookies on a scale only rivaled by some of the larger cookie manufacturers. Those little elves in a tree don't know what baking is. I think it was last week that I mailed off 18 boxes of cookies for her. The week before that it was only four since they were going overseas. And now there are more boxes to be mailed. I think it's about 16, but I'm not sure.
All of that should give me a clear idea of what I was undertaking, and I did it anyway. I'm only doing cookies for 3 or 4 families, so I don't need as many. I had figured that if I did one kind each day, starting on Wednesday, I'd have no problems being ready. Ha!
I think it was Tuesday night that I made my sugar cookie dough. It has to be refrigerated, so it didn't get baked that night. On Wednesday night I made some no bake cookies since I was too tired to do anything else. On Thursday I didn't get home until late, so nothing got done. Last night I was too tired to attempt anything. This all leads to me having too much baking to do today.
This morning I tried to get started, but Donny needed me. So this afternoon I went in and made the truffle dough. Then i baked off sugar cookies while the truffle dough was in the fridge. Then I rolled out truffles. Then I made mocha truffle cookies. Oh wait, somewhere in there I stopped for dinner. All I know is that after 9 hours of baking I'm still not done. There's still gooey caramel bars and lacy oatmeal cookies to do. Oh, and one more kind of no-bake cookie. And tomorrow we go see my mother-in-law.
Have you ever tried baking while dizzy? Let me tell you something, it adds a whole new level to the baking. I felt like some dumb drunk. Walking in a straight line is an under appreciated talent.
Well, I gotta go to bed now. I'm hoping that the baking will seem much more manageable after a good night's rest.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Not Now
I went to the doctor today. The bottom number on my blood pressure was a little high. I figure that there's enough stress in my life that I should be allowed the occasional high reading. All my previous readings have been normal, so one high reading isn't going to freak me out.
I talked to the doctor about the dizziness. He's going to run some blood tests to make sure that we don't miss anything, but he seems to suspect that it's stress related. I'm hoping that's all it is. I'm scared of having something wrong that means missing more work. I don't like starting a job at the same time that I may end up needing frequent doctor appointments.
I go back in a month for results. If anything major shows up in my blood work he'll call me in before then. I was going to get away with going back in three months, but then he looked at my blood pressure. He wants to check it again in a month just to be sure that it's nothing.
I talked to the doctor about the dizziness. He's going to run some blood tests to make sure that we don't miss anything, but he seems to suspect that it's stress related. I'm hoping that's all it is. I'm scared of having something wrong that means missing more work. I don't like starting a job at the same time that I may end up needing frequent doctor appointments.
I go back in a month for results. If anything major shows up in my blood work he'll call me in before then. I was going to get away with going back in three months, but then he looked at my blood pressure. He wants to check it again in a month just to be sure that it's nothing.
Christmas Fun
This post comes via Mielikki. It looked like fun, so I decided to play along. If you want to play too please join in.
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?- Depends on how hard it will be to wrap. I prefer using wrapping paper though, it's more fun to open.
2. Real or Artificial Tree? Artificial. My mom's allergic to real. This time of year sucks for her.
3. When do you put up the tree? Normally it goes up the day after Thanksgiving, but this year it was a little later. Last week we finally bought a miniature tree that's fiber-optic to put on a table in the living room. We just didn't want to go to the hassle of dragging out the big tree.
4. When do you take the tree down? As late as we can get away with. Actually it usually comes down around January 2nd or 3rd.
5. Do you like eggnog? I love the stuff, but not with alcohol in it.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? The only ones that I can recall was the year of coloring books and crayons. That was all I would ask for, so that's just about all I got. My mom counted something like 22 coloring books and about 10 different boxes of crayons. Not much variety, but I was thrilled.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? Not that I can find, but I know I have one somewhere.
8. Worst Christmas Gift you ever received? I can't think of any truly bad gifts.
9. Mail or E mail Christmas Cards? What Christmas cards?
10. Favorite Christmas Movie?- The only one that I've watched recently is the Polar Express, and only because it's the only movie that my 2 year old nephew will watch right now.
11. When do you start shopping for Christmas? When I have the money.
12. Favorite thing to eat on Christmas? Everything. (I didn't get fat by being a picky eater.)
13. Clear lights or colored? Colored on the tree, clear outside
14. Favorite Christmas Song? All the traditional carols and anything by Trans Siberian Orchestra.
15. Travel at Christmas, or stay home? Right now it's stay home, but when I lived away from my parents I would come home for Christmas.
16. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Nope, I have better things to do with my memory.
17. Angel or Star on the tree? It was an angel as I was growing up and I always figured that's what I'd use on my own tree someday. The first year that I had my own tree my best friend gave me a star for the top and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
18. Presents, Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day? When I was little it was 1 on Christmas Eve and the rest in the morning, then we moved close to my grandparents. When my grandma was about 9 she watched her identical twin sister burn to death on Christmas Eve. With her we always open gifts on Christmas Eve to help keep her mind off of that memory.
19. Most Annoying thing this time of year? The fact that Jesus is being taken out of the celebration of his birthday. I know that everybody doesn't believe the same way as me, but that doesn't give them the right to tell me that my beliefs are insensitive and need to be hidden so as to not offend others. What about the possibility of offending me? Where are my rights? (Okay, I'll step down off the soapbox now. Otherwise this could take awhile.)
20. What do you leave for Santa? We never did this. I guess Santa's on a diet at my house. I'm sure that Mrs. Claus will thank me.
21. Least favorite holiday song. I can't think of one.
22. Do you decorate your tree with any theme or color? No, I love our hodge-podge collection of ornaments. To me it's way more beautiful than the department-store-perfect trees.
23. Favorite Ornament? The crocheted iceskates
24.Family tradition? We always have clam chowder on Christmas Eve. The night that we decorate the tree we have the first eggnog of the season and cookies. We turn it into a little party, just for our family. Also, my mom has a tree skirt that was made with quilt blocks. Every year she writes where her and dad spend Christmas on one of the blocks. It goes all the way back to the beginning of their marriage. It's a really neat record of their Christmases. I have a tree skirt like it, but I haven't had a tree of my own since getting it. When it finally gets unpacked there's going to be a lot of catching up to do.
25. Ever been to midnight mass or late night Christmas Eve services? The latest Christmas Eve service that I've been to starts at 6:00 p.m., not that late. But when I was little we would go to church on New Year's Eve. We'd have a church service and then everybody would play games and eat until midnight. It was always a lot of fun. And it was the one time all year that I got to wear pajamas to church.
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?- Depends on how hard it will be to wrap. I prefer using wrapping paper though, it's more fun to open.
2. Real or Artificial Tree? Artificial. My mom's allergic to real. This time of year sucks for her.
3. When do you put up the tree? Normally it goes up the day after Thanksgiving, but this year it was a little later. Last week we finally bought a miniature tree that's fiber-optic to put on a table in the living room. We just didn't want to go to the hassle of dragging out the big tree.
4. When do you take the tree down? As late as we can get away with. Actually it usually comes down around January 2nd or 3rd.
5. Do you like eggnog? I love the stuff, but not with alcohol in it.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? The only ones that I can recall was the year of coloring books and crayons. That was all I would ask for, so that's just about all I got. My mom counted something like 22 coloring books and about 10 different boxes of crayons. Not much variety, but I was thrilled.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? Not that I can find, but I know I have one somewhere.
8. Worst Christmas Gift you ever received? I can't think of any truly bad gifts.
9. Mail or E mail Christmas Cards? What Christmas cards?
10. Favorite Christmas Movie?- The only one that I've watched recently is the Polar Express, and only because it's the only movie that my 2 year old nephew will watch right now.
11. When do you start shopping for Christmas? When I have the money.
12. Favorite thing to eat on Christmas? Everything. (I didn't get fat by being a picky eater.)
13. Clear lights or colored? Colored on the tree, clear outside
14. Favorite Christmas Song? All the traditional carols and anything by Trans Siberian Orchestra.
15. Travel at Christmas, or stay home? Right now it's stay home, but when I lived away from my parents I would come home for Christmas.
16. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Nope, I have better things to do with my memory.
17. Angel or Star on the tree? It was an angel as I was growing up and I always figured that's what I'd use on my own tree someday. The first year that I had my own tree my best friend gave me a star for the top and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
18. Presents, Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day? When I was little it was 1 on Christmas Eve and the rest in the morning, then we moved close to my grandparents. When my grandma was about 9 she watched her identical twin sister burn to death on Christmas Eve. With her we always open gifts on Christmas Eve to help keep her mind off of that memory.
19. Most Annoying thing this time of year? The fact that Jesus is being taken out of the celebration of his birthday. I know that everybody doesn't believe the same way as me, but that doesn't give them the right to tell me that my beliefs are insensitive and need to be hidden so as to not offend others. What about the possibility of offending me? Where are my rights? (Okay, I'll step down off the soapbox now. Otherwise this could take awhile.)
20. What do you leave for Santa? We never did this. I guess Santa's on a diet at my house. I'm sure that Mrs. Claus will thank me.
21. Least favorite holiday song. I can't think of one.
22. Do you decorate your tree with any theme or color? No, I love our hodge-podge collection of ornaments. To me it's way more beautiful than the department-store-perfect trees.
23. Favorite Ornament? The crocheted iceskates
24.Family tradition? We always have clam chowder on Christmas Eve. The night that we decorate the tree we have the first eggnog of the season and cookies. We turn it into a little party, just for our family. Also, my mom has a tree skirt that was made with quilt blocks. Every year she writes where her and dad spend Christmas on one of the blocks. It goes all the way back to the beginning of their marriage. It's a really neat record of their Christmases. I have a tree skirt like it, but I haven't had a tree of my own since getting it. When it finally gets unpacked there's going to be a lot of catching up to do.
25. Ever been to midnight mass or late night Christmas Eve services? The latest Christmas Eve service that I've been to starts at 6:00 p.m., not that late. But when I was little we would go to church on New Year's Eve. We'd have a church service and then everybody would play games and eat until midnight. It was always a lot of fun. And it was the one time all year that I got to wear pajamas to church.
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